Posted by: Amelia | June 26, 2007

Follow-Up RE: Text Messaging

I went out for dinner with some great old friends last night and mentioned my blog post yesterday. They thought I had probably been a little harsh on the second gentleman texter, so I texted him back to say that he should call me since I didn’t accept text invites. Was that also too harsh? Early this morning, I got this text in return:

You’re so mean! Why do you hate me so much? : )  <can I call tonight?>

Sigh. Buddy, if you have to ask, the answer is no. I gave you my phone number! Why is this so hard?

My friends also pointed out – rightly, I might add – that my adherence to traditional gender roles in these matters is a bit out of sync with my feminist attitudes. Why, for instance, don’t I just ask an online dater for a drink myself instead of getting frustrated at the long string of emails? And it’s a totally valid criticism! I am, in some ways, a hypocrite. I have a strong personality, and I appreciate the same in a man. If there were a less patriarchy-reinforcing way to screen out the simpering and the shy, I would gladly practice it. Earlier this month I did, in fact, cut short what was turning into a long email string and ask the guy to drinks. He was nice, but bland, and just not my type – but I was also prejudiced against him from the start for his lack of initiative. Likewise, I am fairly certain now that this gentleman texter is not my type. Am I still judging too quickly?

Thanks to all who commented on the earlier post – you brought up some very interesting points. Texting is indeed acceptable outside of the get-to-know-you phase, and as Carrie M pointed out, smileys can be useful in mitigating a sarcastic email. I guess I don’t consider them a dealbreaker, but more of a red flag.



  1. I had a similar conversation last night with a friend. About gender roles.

    I won’t get into detail, and I know a lot of my forward thinking friends out there might not be so thrilled with this, but in some ways, I prefer tradition gender roles. This doesn’t mean that I’m not strong or independent, and it certainly doesn’t mean that I’m weak.

    I don’t know how to go into detail about this without making it a post of its own! And thanks for the idea. I just might write a post about it…

  2. Yea, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt yesterday, but now he’s really pushing it… my patience for online cutesiness only goes so far.

    Much love,

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